It always comes to this:
Blanks.
So many ideas flowing through my mind,
but none of them want to come out.
I stare and I stare
hoping the words would appear by themselves
I grip and I whine
when they do come out
because I feel guilt and shame
and a misery I can't compare.
Have you tried meditation? I started with Zen, but that seemed to make me too aware of my thoughts without being able to do much about them. Then I tried mindfulness meditation, which was better, but I still didn't really get into it; I probably want at the best place to give it a chance, though. At least it has much less of a professional or esoteric edifice to it, such as with transcendental meditation (TM). I've tried TM, and it definitely has some advantages, namely that you are asked not to concentrate on anything at all (not even your breath) except very slightly on your mantra, although the very beginning and very end of each meditation do require real concentration to ensure you have smooth transitions in and out of your sessions. Only two 15-minute sessions are asked of you each day, making it very easy to do it compared to other kinds of meditation. I have some pedagogical qualms about TM, but overall it has been a benefit. Celebs like Russell Simmons and David Lynch have been practicing it for decades. Nevertheless, as Nietzsche said, we each have to find our own way to becoming who we are, so don't take my experience as an indication of a best or necessary method. But probably some form of meditation would help, and there are many more out there than most people know.
ReplyDelete_The Artist's Way_ (Julia Cameron), _Flow_ and _Finding Flow_ (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi), a few of Adam Phillips's books, and _The Anxiety and Stress Reduction Workbook_ may be useful.
Maybe I can give you more ideas soon....