Sith Creed

"Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken."
-the Sith Creed

09 December 2019

Coffeeshops don't have coffee...

Hello and welcome! Today has been a long and busy day for me. I spent most of it working on a project in my Health Psychology class. Lots of numbers and statistical data. Quite boring overall.

It's been about a month since my visit to Amsterdam. My mind has been filled with wonderful memories of my week stay. Yes, most of the time was spent in a wild triad of sexual exploration. It was steamy and it was hot! Yet that is not the story I want to tell.

I also was able to attend a few of the events centered around Mr. Leather Netherland (Netherland Leather? I might fix this when I finish. If not, just know I was a bit confused...). And it was no different than any gay leather event: lots of sex, lots of leather, lots of hot men. And on my last night I ended up at the bar called The Web. It was there, on Sunday night, I watched the crowning of the new Mr. Leather NL.

Around the end of my second pint, I walked past a handsome fellow with a scruffy blonde beard. Our eyes met as we crossed each other’s path while I was exiting, and he was entering the bar. I sat down on the picnic table by the door and begun to light my joint. A few seconds passed and then the door opened. He walked over to me and smoothly asked to borrow my lighter. I introduced myself; he said his name is Lee. And from there our conversation started.

That’s when the magic of the nightlife took hold. Our conversation carried us away from the bar to a noodle shop. It never ended. We spoke about our lives, our loves and our dreams. What was said isn’t as important as how it was said. Everything said was real and heartfelt. I felt free to express myself accordingly. I only spared words when there were others who could listen in. I really liked that; actually, my favorite thing about the trip. I don’t remember what we talked about and I enjoyed every last bit of it. 

It was a certain type of intimacy. I don’t know what to call it because I haven’t felt it in a long time. I was excited and scared and anxious and embarrassed and nervous and safe. But I didn’t have all night to talk to Lee. I didn’t even know how much longer I had before the last tram was leaving; or if it was the last tram of the night. Luckily, Lee had to catch the bus, as well. Central Station wasn’t too far from the noodle shop. And I politely asked if I could walk him there.

As we approached the main intersection leading to Central Station, I ushered us down a road in order to avoid the construction I remembered seeing a few nights earlier. We walked a bit further and Lee continued with his story (about what? I don’t remember). His story was becoming drowned out by the road construction all around. I quickly reached out for his arm and stopped him. I had interrupted his story and asked “May I kiss you?

I never waited for the answer. I leaned in and kissed him. It warmed my body. I could feel the magic of the world pull us together and for the first time in a long time, I felt genuine love. I also felt his butt in my hands. They cupped nicely. I used his cheeks to lift and pull Lee closer and tighter to me. I didn’t want to let go. But a passing tram reminded me of where we were supposed to be heading.

We walked back the way we came towards the previous intersection. Another tram and a bus drove passed us; the numbers didn’t match what I needed to go to my hotel. My face began to hurt, and I noticed I had a huge smile on my face. We laughed and talked some more about the first things that popped into our minds. Mostly thanking each other for the fun night. In the back of my mind, I was planning a way to either go to his hotel or him to mine. And that thought was interrupted as I looked up to see my tram filling with people in the distance. I pointed it out and said “You’re about to see me run. I hope to see you again one day.” I planted one final kiss on Lee’s lips and sprinted off to catch my tram.

20 June 2019

BBC4U

A few weeks back, I was asked via DM on my Twitter: What is your view on the "BBC" fantasies?

This is a very in depth question. I don't like it and disapprove of the fetishizing of the gay Black male.  It's bad enough there's little to no representation within the porn industry. 

About a week before I was asked this question, I went on to Grindr, started a new profile and named it "BBC4U". The profile had no picture and a barebones bio. Once I completed and went into genpop I was bombarded with "hey", "Looking?", and unsolicited dick/ass pics. I was completely taken aback by the amount of response compared to my original, which was completed with five pictures and a full bio. From there, I learned that black men in the area where only viewed as "big black cocks"and the worst part is they are ok with this arrangement.

It sickens me to know this. And after 24 hours of using the fake profile I learned all I needed. This started out as a social experiment to see why blank profiles were the norm within the gay community. Honestly, I don't know or have any real answers on the situation. I know that as a Black gay man, I am happy, proud, out and open. It's very demoralizing to have men only contact me in the hopes of just getting a piece of my dick. But what do I know?

I've heard the term within the porn industry A LOT! It's very distracting/insulting to have a director/cameraman tell me "Yeah! And now tease him with your BBC!" The hardest part of that scenario is do I call the person out for the blatant insult? Or do I just let it slide and understand that is how they "prefer" to direct.