ISO Dom: Sounding

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For you? of course!

I was contacted in my IG DMs today. (No, it wasn't some one demanding free nudes) No, this person has been in contact with me for a few years now.

The conversation started out as someone willing to pay for my time (because that's how the conversation goes when I escort) and then it turned into me offering advice for entering the porn industry. At one point, it was even offered that I would be the debut model for the upcoming studio, even with the would be director/producer offering to be in a scene with me. To which I declined and informed him that was unprofessional, undesirable and the quickest way to lose business.

I bring this DM up because today, I was asked "how's it going any updates". I almost went in stating how insensitive it was but went a different approach. Told him there's nothing new to update outside of my stories and Twitter posts.

So how am I in the wrong to protect myself from an ever evolving scheme to have sex with me? Clearly this person is only trying to say what I want to hear so that he can win out. To get me and my time for free? Two years I've shown patience. Other SW would have received a gift, a tip, a thank you card showing support. I've received those gifts from other clients and fans. But why do I put so much energy into the ones who don't have any intention of paying? How do I let them down so that I can devote my time to the ones who aren't fluffing my head with false promises? Because that's where I evolve and grow as a model, SW or porn actor.

Feedback

Over the last few days I've received a lot of feedback and positive vibes from friends, family, and compassionate people. I'm grateful for that. Let's me know that the world isn't filled with hungry sharks that prey on the kindness of others.

Having a good support system is critical to maintaining a good mental health. Maybe cutting off the negative people from access to me is what I needed.

Why continue?

I had a mental breakdown the other day on Twitter. It was the result of someone thinking it's cute to ask for free content. I posted screenshots and everything. I've since deleted them and left Twitter for a "social media break".

I'm tired. Tired of giving so much of myself and not getting any return. Tired of doing the same thing as others and not getting recognition. Tired of trying to convince freeloaders to subscribe instead of asking for free shit.

Hell, I don't even know why I'm writing in this blog. It goes unread. 

Am I going to be one of those artists whose work only gets discovered after death? 

Oh yeah that's right, I haven't worked on my art because I'm busy making jerk off videos for free.

Wake n Bake diary 14

Sept 20

Just a friendly reminder that I am alive and well. Barely holding up but well. This has been a busy semester and I have to devote my time to it.

Wake n Bake diary 13

Sept 1

September 11, 2001 the United States came together in solidarity. Everyone regardless of race, background, sexuality, etc stood together and said "fuck you for coming to our country and causing us harm". It was heart-warming and moving to see no racism, no social discourse, none of that. However, over time people went back to their old ways. To the point that, a person can't express himself by trying to see things from a different perspective.

People are so stubborn to stay in their lanes that they don't think other lanes are valid.

Over the last few weeks, I have been posting to my Facebook some very politically charged content. It's also from varying points of view ranging from far right to far left. The responses I have received have been caustic and volatile. Especially to the point that, I understand if a meme I post will make a person angry. But how is that different from what MSM (mainstream media) is doing?

A news article will piss off the BLM supporters and embolden the Blue lives matter support. Another article will do the opposite. Another will not provide any information or bias to either. Another will be so ambiguous that either side can be affected.

I will admit when I'm wrong. Or can't find subsequent information to add but I will not back down from expressing what I feel could happen in the country.

Wake n Bake diary 12

July 19

Good morning!

Today is a good day so far. I figure some time during the week I will finish explaining some of my experiences in the porn industry. Most of the mob mentality has died down. I don't want to make anyone out to be the villain however I do want to bring to light a few things I didn't appreciate.

Wake n Bake diary 11

July 17

Good morning. I realize that I am coming in and out like waves. One moment I feel like I have a lot to say and express it. Then the next I feel like I have said too much and need to quiet down. And I'm allowed to feel that. 

Personal update

Hello everyone. I'm in a depression slump right now. Slowly getting better. I will continue with my wake n bake diary soon. There's still so much I want to discuss about my time doing porn.

Today I want to bring to light the status of my mental health. It's not widely known and, up until a few days ago, has been a need to know item. 

Few days ago I hosted a poll on my Twitter. The framing is a bit off but lately I have been asked a few times to be in a romantic relationship. The last few times, I have been open about my mental condition; I suffer from PTSD and depression. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not well. I'm also happily able to admit that I am doing everything I can to get better. However I am shamed because I don't want a relationship.

I would rather die single and happy than in a relationship making someone miserable because I don't have my mental health in order.

The Fourth of July Contract

America's founding fathers created a legally binding document that gave the people power over their government. And we're at the point where our government has breached the contract.

 They're afraid the Black lives movement will do what the county's founding fathers did to England; cut ties.

Wake and Bake diary 10

June 22

It's been a few days. I started a few days ago speaking out my thoughts and experiences regarding racism in the porn industry. Honestly, it's difficult. I'm grateful for Fabscout and legends like, Chi Chi LaRue, for hiring me and giving me the opportunity to work. I'm not calling for a witch hunt because of racist behavior or comments.

I was asked by Papi Chulo, in my first interview ever, "what are your thoughts about racism in the porn industry?" I answered honestly, "I have not experienced any-". To which I was cut off. He explained that there's a lot of backlash that comes from say racism doesn't exist in the porn world.

I'm not naive enough to think, or say, that it doesn't exist. Yet I didn't have personal definitive proof of "racist bigot A" being racist.

June 23

Like I said, this is difficult to speak out about. And I will take as many diary entries necessary to explain. 

I'm also to the point where I don't care if my "exposure" ends my chances of more work. I say that because that seems to be the trend or I'm interpreting it differently.

However, I saw again, this is not a witch hunt. My experiences aren't typical and will most likely be denied. I'm the type of person to tell someone to their face if I think their comments were inappropriate, because I have. There's been jokes and off color comments made to me and I told that person (model, agent, or director) right then. I've never been afraid to say "I can see why you would think that would be funny, but it's not funny to me" or "that sounds racist. Please don't say that again". I feel others are not speaking up on set, or at that moment. 

June 24

...And then I remembered about my contract.

Please forgive my jumping around. Hindsight bias is at the forefront of my thoughts. And it brought up the biggest feeling of racial disparity.

June 26

And I figured it out: it's still difficult. But today I had a little help.

July 1

My first bareback scene was with Damon Andros. I enjoyed it. The scene had the same energy as losing my virginity. It was the first scene I setup on my own without my agent's help. Had I included him in the booking process that act wouldn't have been a breach of contract. 

I took the risk because I needed money to pay for bills. I spent a week prior begging the agency for work. I was desperate. I felt that, as my friend, my agent would understand. But I was threatened with "should I make an example of you?"

My heart sank.

Wake n Bake diary 9

June 16 2020

(previously)

So it's hard to speak out about something I haven't experienced first hand.

So anyone who points out any racists in the porn industry, I will back up and add my voice.

And as with most things, there's always a matter of perspective. To be able to provide work for Black and POC models is a good and rewarding opportunity. However there's nothing preventing the racists from using their influence to cancel scenes or recast shoots.

But what can I truly say? Anything remotely racist was always in the next room over or taking place while I was in the shower or neatly off set. The same people, who hired me and kept the racist comments out of earshot, are hiring racist models with no desire to call them out either or prevent them from work.

Wake n Bake diary 8

June 13

All I have today is one of my favorite stories from my time in the military. 

Wake and Bake diary 7

June 12

It's 10:00 and I just finished a bowl of some really good weed and my first cup of coffee. I started back on this blog because I actually enjoy writing and this was to act as a way to stay connected to the people who follow me on social media. My return to the "Grand Adventures of the Bacon Bandit" was to serve as my social media break from being Osiris. On July 1st, I was going to make a grand return showing off the fruits of my labor.

And then George Floyd was murdered.

I was active on my SFW Twitter, so I was able to follow along, educate, donate, and petition. I'm extremely against systemic racism and enjoy watching people burn down the state and eventually calling out racists turned into a past time.

Earlier this I had a fan/supporter, send me a tweet and suggested that I should investigate the performer's intent and to root out his racist nature. And I did under my SFW account. Because I felt like Osiris was asked to champion for someone's crusade and I refuse to let my platform be used for/by others. From there, I realized that I can't speak out about racism in the porn industry.

Understand that 1) I had an agent who filtered racists away from me so I was never exposed, 2) of anyone said anything remotely racist in nature I said something then and there, 3) I feel like it was hidden away from me or kept just out if sight, and 4) some people can put on a good act. I was never told "racism doesn't exist in porn". I was never fully exposed to it. 

However, after firing my agent (for matters unrelated), that's when the ugly head of racism in the industry surfaced.

(Cont)

Wake n Bake diary 6

June 11

Biolyte and a blunt this morning. I'm a little hungover from drinking a few beers after my shift last night. I'm going to love my new job. Bartending has been a favorite of mine. Engaging with people and serving drinks.

I'm not going to make it known about my sexuality. That's going to be my gimmick. I love how inclusive the bar is.

Wake n Bake diary 5th entry

June 10

Some things have been developing.

I saved up money to get my own place. I put my car on the road. I started a new job. I've been going to the gym for the last two weeks.

Having a chance to disconnect and take care of myself has been beneficial. 

Wake n Bake diary 4th entry

June 9

This has been a year. Halfway through! 

I hope everyone has been able to sign petitions and donate to #blacklivesmatter We all need to seek an end to systemic racism and institutionalized poverty. The last few weeks has exposed some of the evil parts of this wonderful country.

Sidenote: I'm going to be extremely pissed if the MAGA premise is to ramp up racist institutions in order to destroy them.

I love America. I love being a Black American. I DO NOT love the deeply rooted systems that are in place to prevent anyone other than Whites access to equal and fair opportunities.

Wake n Bake diary: 3rd entry

Jun 4

What did You learn today?

I learned 

that am still not afraid to speak

my mind and my heart. 

I'm still the punk rock loving, queer boy who traveled the world.

I am a Black queer American.

I'm not a faggot.

I'm not a nigger.

I'm not a nigga.

I'm not a thug.

I'm not your "BBC".

I'm not DL or discreet.

I'm not your punching bag.

I'm not your scapegoat.

I'm not your suspicious activity.

And I'm not going to let you stop my breath.

How can you change the world?

Wake n Bake diary: Day 1

June 2

I just lost a friend on Facebook, and IRL, because of my view of systemic racism. He called it a fantasy.

Yes, my friend is a long time friend. He's white.  He's not racist in the least bit. 

He doesn't believe systemic racism exists because he's unaffected by it. The system is designed to not let him be affected by it, or even see it. And I'm not the least bit angry by it. I accepted his separation.

Wake n Bake Diary: day 0

It's technically almost evening time.

I've had a fairly busy day. And I've been putting off starting this. I made a reminder to myself to start today so that I can spend a month without going to Twitter, Instagram or Facebook first thing in the morning.

I had the opportunity to work on myself and my art and my writing and my projects and my photography and my reading.

And then George Floyd was murdered.

I never imagined something so malicious to be caught on video. I was sad that this scene (unarmed Black men being killed while in custody) is still around. Hardest part was explaining everything to my ten year old niece.

Whatcha wanna know Wednesday

I decided to end it. I am working on some projects and I want to give them all of focus. Most of them involve writing here. I miss putting words down and others reading them. I think it's fascinating and wonderful.

I'm still answering the questions that come into my ask.fm so feel free to ask anything. I will most likely answer it. I don't claim to know everything but I like to give advice on anything anyone asks.

Whatcha wanna know Wednesday: Apr 22

Hello and welcome!

I'm a bit busy with school work and will be posting this Thursday. The semester is drawing to a close and soon I will be complaining about chemistry homework and studying.

So right out the gates my first question is

1. What browser do you use?

Nice try, hacker! 😝

Not sure the purpose behind this question. But I'm not going to give out too much information.

2. Do you prefer to answer questions or ask them?

Good question.

Well, this platform is designed for me to answer questions. And overall, I ask a lot of questions.

In all seriousness, I don't understand what the goal of this question is and I don't question it🤷🏾‍♂️ Once I figure out how to post from my ask.fm account, that question will make a lot of sense.

Just started the Instagram story for question collecting IG: osiris_blade

Now back to the questions!

3. Do you lose sex appetite as you age?

Me, personally? I'm probably just as sexually hungry as when I was younger.  Maybe more. I masturbate at least once a day if that's what you are asking.

This is a follow-up question, original question asked about my lube preference. Unrelated follow-up questions are fun because I know that it is from the same person. Kudos to you repeat question asker!

IG:story

If you were to do cosplay, who would you do and why?

Killer Croc. I have a plan to do him as a cosplay for a while now. No thanks in part to the covid-19 shut down 😭

4. Do you wear a watch?

I do not. They weigh me down and I lose them often.

I never really beeuch of an accessory guy. I do ascribe to most capitalism driven schemas.

5. What if something scary happened in real life?

The scariest thing happened to me when I was 8.

I watched a jet crash onto a tent full of people. Watching the Rammstein air show with my friend and his family, my parents didn't go. When the crowd started to panic and run, I froze. I have never felt so alone and afraid since then.

This is why I'm too afraid of death, loss, and events beyond my power/control. It's also the reason I give a shit about human life as a whole.

6. Do you think kids our age can be in love?

People are allowed to engage in whatever behavior they wish. Most people have a false idea of what love is or how to achieve or who to give it.

I am mostly aromatic.

7. What is the most boring job you can imagine?

Politician.

This next question has sat in the bin for a while. Dredges up some nasty memories. Like I said, I will answer as many questions as I can. Some take more time for me to deal with than others.

8. Have you ever been raped?

Yes. It happened in my early 20s. I hadn't bottomed in a long while and asked the guy to go slowly. He did the opposite causing me so much pain, I thought I was ripped inside. I don't remember much after that because I was high on meth. It's why I don't use that substance or engage sexually with someone who is not willing to have open lines of communication.

Not something I want to relive. But I have no regrets for the situation. I'm not at fault and I have no desire to "get justice". That situation taught me that it's a-ok to cut someone out of my life. I'm also not looking for sympathy or advice or comfort. I've had plenty of time to deal with those things. Thank you for offering.

Now let's get on with it.

Forgotten to add these

You know if I'm not wearing underwear I can't post a pic of me wearing underwear. 

Also my time is pretty full up with school.🤷🏾‍♂️

Ok. Had to catch up with those sorry.

9. What is one thing you regret.

Nothing.

I live with any mistakes I've made. Regret is a negative emotion that feeds in to worry and paranoia. Also I believe in the multiverse so I have nothing to regret if myself in a different dimension has a different outcome. Hindsight bias plays a lot into regret.

I get asked this a lot. If you scroll through my blog, then you will see I have a poem called "The Day I Lost Regret". Like seriously, I am not going to waste away thinking about actions I should have done or words I should have said. Can't change the past. Learn from it, can't change it. It's happened said and done. Enjoy the missed opportunity, relish in the dodged bullet, be thankful for the now obviously noticeable red flag. If you make a decision, be happy with it and keep going forward.

10. Would you rather live in the mountains or on the beach?

I love binary questions.

I love the beach as equally as a love the mountains. Here's a couple of links that describe and list places that offer both: 

Beach/mountain

Mountain/beach

And on that note I have to finish up with my studies and prepare for a presentation tomorrow.

Thank you! And time in next week!!!

Check out my Twitter

4/20

I've spent all day working on school work. In the middle of a paper and prepping for a quiz and exam Wednesday, and on Thursday I have a presentation via WebEx 😭

I'm exhausted and I didn't have enough weed to last me another day.

In other news, I got a gift from a fan. It looks great!

Whatcha wanna know Wednesday! April 15

Welcome! I hope everyone is doing well. I'm on week three of classes being online. Still not a fan. I'll muster through no doubt.

A little update: I will be reading out loud an erotic story soon so be on the lookout!

This is a difficult question to answer because I don't want to ruin the "magic" of porn.

1. What's the funniest gif ever?

Batman petting a pig

There's all I'm saying about that

2. What's new with you?♥️?

I learned how to make sausage gravy a few days ago.

And it was fucking delicious 😍😍

3. What's your mood?

Rainy day

First part of the day was rainy and I had to be in it.

Feel free to answer below in the comments section.

4. How are you doing?

Great!!

I'm not okay.

5. What means of transport do you to be the safest? Why?

Horseback riding. You can train a horse to get you home safely.

Nothing good comes from panic.

I've been distracted lately. Not sure what it is or why. 

9:38a

16-04-20

It's the next day. There was alcohol and an exam yesterday. 

oh and I started that as well. Nearly forgot.

Pic of me in my undies if you're interested.

6. If you would meet someone in reality from ask fm.what would you tell her? Mayb she can be ur crush.. Or u can..

Crushing on someone else is cool. Thanks greatly for the Support!

FAQ#1 is usually asking about my orientation or sex with women. It states "I'm gay. Super gay. Even if the guy has a vagina, still gay."

Yes, I've had sex with women. Numerous times in my life!! I've even had multiple girlfriends. If "gay for pay" is allowed to exist, then so can "straight for pay".

And you know what, it's Thursday. I should just publish this. Check out my Instagram story for more answers. Thank you!

And stay tuned for a video clip of me reading an erotic story!

Oral fixation

So I have been toying with the idea of reading aloud some erotic stories [poll]

I would be honored to read aloud. I'm not great at writing however I am willing to work on it. If there's an erotic story you wish for me to read aloud let me know.

Whatcha wanna know Wednesday: April 8

7:53a

Good morning! The quarantine has left the world in a strange transition. I hope you are doing well. This next (new) installment of Whatcha wanna know Wednesday is well... Here. If you are new to my blog, welcome. If you've been here for the ride, thank you!

For the new people, this is a blog I started sometime after leaving the military. I had this grandiose dream of traveling the world and writing about my adventures.

For the long-time readers, not sure when I started doing it or why, every Wednesday I host a Q&A with randoms and anons.

1. Do you change your mind often? 

I'm not indecisive.

This is a difficult question. I usually get asked "either or" questions and I answer with a tie or a third option. Those are difficult questions because they're polarizing and monistic. It's also an egocentric/ethnocentric. I like many different things however I'm not a person to discount other things on account I have a taste for a specific thing. For instance, Pepsi vs Coke. To me, they are dark and sweetened soda water. I don't drink sodas overall and when I do I enjoy whatever flavor it comes.

2. Do you prefer to travel by train, bus, plane, or ship?

I haven't traveled by ship. It's next on the list of ways to travel.

I have a a cruise to Mexico planned later this year. 

*What problems did Black Americans in the South face after emancipation?

I have an exam today. That's one of the questions. I can't wait to finish the exam and turn it in. Mostly the reason I adopted this format for the Q&A today.

I'm not okay. I hate online classes but that's not killing me, so my health is fine.

11:09a

Instagram story is coming along nicely. 

3. If you could only keep five possessions, what would they be?

My dog, flashlight, flint and steel (fire making kit), bow and arrows, and my car

I love these questions. I'm not much of a materialistic person but I'm willing to play. I usually frame these in the realm of what will I need to survive.

4. Most sweet person you know?

It's me!

I give love equally and indiscriminately. I don't see many who can match that kind of energy.

5. Are you saving up for anything?

A career.

Seriously, why do we have to toil so much just to do the things we want? A large portion of the American laborers are on a forced vacation. Most don't know what to do. Some are so hell-bent on making money that they are working. Some don't know what to do without work so they continue to work. 

6. Can you leave your native land and move to another city for the sake of a loved one?

I have left home numerous times for the sake of a loved one.

Living all over the world, I love traveling and living in new places. Meeting someone in person is not the same as meeting them online. I will never go somewhere unless I knew I was going to be safe.

1:34p

Third cup of coffee. Two of three answers for my exam complete. I hope you are enjoying my Q&A. 😘

2:33p

7. Cutest baby you know?

Probably my dog

Babies are fuckin ugly, honestly.

The link is here, if you don't know.

8. What more do you feel you have to accomplish?

London, visit 3 or more African countries, visit another Asian country, eat my weight in food in Brazil, get cursed out by a French person, get drunk in South Africa, and that's just my list involving travel.

Here is an example of a great question! There's not much for me to follow up with or add. And it leads the person who asked room for more questions.

5:45p

9. How good are you at saying "no"?

Very good.

I believe in consent. If I say "no", that doesn't mean convince me to change my mind.

10. Who is the last person you met?

I've been on lockdown since March 13.

I've only met with friends and family as of late. And that was about a week and half ago.

11. What do you wish the New Years Eve to bring?

Um... The year basically just started.

And I'm ready for it to end. Jeez!!

Alright.  Well I'm ready to get back to some of my studies. I wish I could be on more. Tell me what you think. Also I am going to be posting here much more.

The Day Really Never Came Back

Please don't sit
On the thought
Of me next time I call.
My heart skipped a beat
And the level of love for you
Began to fall.
It drained from my face
At a heartbreaking pace
Until I don't feel any love at all.
I'm grateful you used
My love as a test
For someone else
To prove they were the best.
I refused to cry,
Even gave friendship a try
But turns out
You were just like the rest.
So congrats to you
And your long standing boo
I'm glad I was used
To help you choose
Who you really wanted in your life.
Unlike before,
Where I wallow in strife,
I've let the ashes of a broken heart
Help me begin a new life.
There you go
Putting hearts on all the money I gave
Like you're proud that you gave me none.
Hey.
What'd you want?
I've run out of things to give you.
I'm not your bank
Or your Sir.
If you're happily taken
Why not call up your dude?
You can let me go
You can let me be
I was alone long before you met me.

The Day I Was Released From A Spell

I sit on a thought as I decide my fate and actually I should have sought a side I should have taken but think of each night I'm awake. But here I am again thinking each night awake. I never again will give my heart to someone claiming to be a friend trying to be more than a friend. Which is why I don't want to be in a relationship or why I don't like to be around this love shit because my thoughts, a wild imagination that's uncontainable, are the reason why I say be straight up with me, be upfront with me be straightforward with me, so that I don't have my thoughts go wild, think about what you did that was wrong, or what you did that wasn't fair, or you know thinking to myself that I that I'm in the wrong when I'm in the right, or what I could have done differently one day or one night.
Can I see you tonight?
After?
Ever?
So don't take this as a fault against you but understanding who I am and what I've been through. I give myself so freely to everyone around me because that's what love is supposed to be. You're supposed to give love unconditional to everyone around you, but when I have to focus all of that energy on one person it distorts and messes with others, people who want and receive my love on a daily basis. People are not giving it so they act differently and the people that I need to give my love to on a singular basis are flooded with something that is not supposed to be flooded. So yes I'm going to enjoy my life and yes I'm going to make myself happy because that is all that matters but I'm not going to make myself happy while you suffer, I'm not going to make myself happy while you're sad, that's not the point. The point is for me to pursue my happiness, for you to pursue your happiness and not let our happiness conflict with each other. Please understand I don't mind continuing being your friend. I don't feel the same way as I used to. The love I felt is completely different than the love you'll receive as my friend and I don't want that to be misconstrued. And yes hearing of your decision to not be with that other man made my body tingle with excitement. I want you yet I want this break. I like you and will never stop. I love you yet I want to pursue that later. I hate you and I want to stop.
But when can I see you?
After?
Ever?
Why did getting rid of you destroy everything of me? Why am I sinking slowly into the sea? What brought this about for you to do this to me? Or why do I do this to myself: yearn and grow only to burn or explode. And as I calm and see through the debris from the tornado of emotion I felt. I'm left thrashed and broken and hollow inside. But that's a part of the spell. Make me feel less than what I am in order to crawl back whimpering and scared.
Maybe that's why I don't do relationships. You see when you're happy, I'm happy. But when you are not happy and won't tell me why; I'm thinking of the many different things that could be why. Am I the reason why? Am I allowed to know the reason why?
Will I have the chance to ask you why?
After?
Ever?
Know what this is my last time saying goodbye. I'm never coming back.