Different Shades of Me

Sith Creed

"Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken."
-the Sith Creed

10 March 2017

The Day I Came Out

12 October 2016

The Day I Came Out

I sit on a thought
as I decide my fate
on an action I sought
where I never forgot
like throwing fire about the place
like the city of my birth
all in front of a world 
we are about to face

It's not the tone of our skin
or the city we're in
but the corruption
of our system so just
we protest peacefully
they send in the dogs
we detest peacefully
they launch their blogs
we reject peacefully
they disable our blogs
Yet we try to despise
the two jokers in disguise
and gleefully watch the circus of lies.
We have to die to vote
We serve time for a toke.
And with the highest dime
you can erase the crime!
From Benghazi and that girl you raped
To the hot gay Nazi and your supposed sex tape.
As you login to CNN
and get lost in the stories
As you dial into FOX
and get lost in the stories
As you tune into WSJ
and get lost in the stories
Because the media can help you feel
a certain kind of feel
that you never knew you could feel.
Always pitting man vs man
man vs woman
black man vs police man
native man vs foreign man
this machine of hate
where all of man
refuse to relate
to the fact that we are floating on a rock
held together with love
or whatever it is you think shines light
from above.

I think, then I talk.
I wink, then I walk.
Forever tick, forever tock
Only to come across
my body lined in chalk.
But I smile and I clown 
because I only want positivity all around.
Yet I discover the truth
like the death of a youth
or the strife of an American
inside a booth to vote
coerced to make a choice
between a liar and a joke
or the lust of an American
inside a booth to stroke
forced to hide his choice
of liberal thought and vote
or the education of an American
inside a booth so broke
forcing words until you choke.
Yet it's hardly any sound you use to speak.

Only embarked on this journey
in search of me
Yet here I am
back again
with a broken heart
and a shattered pride
falling apart
and cast aside.
And then he came
with a tear in his heart
and a tear on his face
I lightly touch
his skin
till it feels like a sin
and it makes
want to start all over again.
And yet there he is
the devil in charge
voted in by
the illusion of control
the illusion of choice
the illusion of democracy
the illusion of voice
Just, as it stands

Justice, it stands

-JT Reeves the 2nd

10 February 2017

ISO Dom/Sir: 3rd Encounter

I will openly and confidently communicate with you, Sir.
January 19th-24th, 2015

My shoots with Kink.com went very well! I greatly enjoyed my time in the Armory. I am very excited to see the finished scenes. The scenes will be available in about a month or so in February. Both scenes, Men on Edge and Bound Gods, were very hot!

My experiences in the BDSM world were very limited before these two shoots. Which is why I am chronologically detailing my escapades. And as the title of this installment suggests I understand that I must be open and confident in every aspect of the BDSM world. Communication is key. If I do not communicate properly, I could end up getting hurt.

The first shoot, Men on Edge, was with Sir Sebastian, a ginger bearded  porno crush of mine. He was my Dom/Sir for the shoot. The first thing we discussed before the shoot was communication. He explained that everything was to my comfort level and that at any point in time, if anything didn't feel right or was too intense, I had every right to stop the shoot. The "safe word", if you will, was expressed and encouraged if the conditions arose. I was never to continue in unwanted pain just for the sake of the shot. That intrigued me...

31 May 2016

The Day I Lost Regret

I sit on a thought
    as I decide my fate
an action I should have sought
     a side I should take
     on something I forgot
but think of each night I'm awake.
A Bastion of Hope
A Renaissance of Love
I floated aimlessly on an exhilaration
a madness that accompanies admiration,
a sadness that’s borne from strife,
a sickness that follows the night,
a cosmic jester bent on world domination
yet we have let him
come over us
like a gaudy
vision of truth
A Rekindling of Life?
I can hear your distant cries
yet I cannot pinpoint where they are
or understand what you are saying
does it have anything to do with us being apart
or is it about our love or your weak heart?
We have grown apart in the strangest of ways
we were once one, together.
we were about to give love a name
but it has become a gaseous shape
and has begun to dissipate.
The thunderous storm in the background
has drowned out your voice.
Please speak up
because it sounds as if you are saying:
I love you.
Why?
there are more things love will allow
than those it cannot provide for.
Blocking the electrostatic waves of chaos
I bleed from my ears
gaining control of the situation
at hand
by lending a hand
in making a stand
against the ones who won't understand
the ebb and swirl
of a hard up girl
pawing and clawing
upon my shins
cawing and hollering
begging me to forget her sins:
touching me like a friend
trying to pretend
that her sweet song won't end.

Callous to the blah, blah, blah
and the things I saw
the day I awoke
head filled with smoke
the day I was tricked
was the day I realized
by whom.
It happened so quick
when he materialized
inside the room
he possessed my friend
me without knowing
until the lies started flowing
suddenly they stopped
he looked me dead in the eyes
and proceeded to tell me his stories
I couldn't despise
nor could I forget
I saw through the disguise
and I wasn't fortunate
staring deep within
the ripples of vertigo
flashes of hot
flashes of cold
I am spinning out of control
I'm lost within a sea of forgetfulness
because i forgot why I loved you
what it was that started the spark
and what fuel it was that kept it aflame
I'm sliding within the eye of the beholder
constricting her sight
his love
and its thought.
I run deeper than the blatant truths
of nothingness
I exist with more profundity
than the surface that you see
I'm here to expose the truth forever
But don't you ever call me
an American again!
I'm tired of waking up
everyday dispensing life
the same fucked up lie
feeding a fire
that shouldn't burn
tossing bodies onto the ashes
just to stay warm
when you are already in Hell
though you can't tell
because he has placed you all
under a spell
I thought I could change
to find what I truly wanted
but it is not like me
I refuse to stand
on the side
wanting
wishing
desiring
passively, now I want more
more than the jovial
acts of jovial love
I could never love anyone
again through unrequited love
I don't know if I should
thank you
or curse you
for opening my eyes
to what I was doing wrong
while I sang a song
of why I never knew what
true love was
and how I will never know.

Then he spoke
with a voice
that made me choke
and blocking the sounds were not a choice
"Make something happen"
boomed deep within my head
"I've done it before
now it is your turn.
Just start with a microcosm
it's not hard at all."
I took a deep breath
and I felt it stretch
It felt strange but good
I breathed again and
the universe expanded by an inch
the galaxy turned counterclockwise
the solar system, tilted
the sun, contracted
and I took on another cool breath of air
quasars quased
quarks quarked
zeniths zened
and the multiple worlds within me
react with the universe of his own
pulsars pulsed within my chest
then a supernova cracked
lightning flashed
the bacteria shook and quivered at the sight of...
their whole existence being wiped out
before their eyes
by a creature in disguise
whose chainlink nebulae constrict me
from revealing the elliptical orbits of life
so that microbes can digest the sustenance
of my least favorite satellite.
My body is being invaded by viruses and alien invaders
from other inhabitable universes
looking for a place
they too can call home
all because
they too have lost their home
all because
they too will not give up without a fight
I fly toward the sun
like a comet at night
I fly for fun
I fly till the end is in sight
Why now?
I know that in less than a week
you will leave forever
ok then fare thee well
though I am one of the many
that want you to stay
forever
It is forever I don't have
and forever I won't beg you stay
I care not about you anymore
So now I can turn a page
in this chapter of my life.
The Day I Lost Regret
The Day I Grew Old
The Day I Was Born
The Day My Story Was Told
The Day I Was Scorned
The Day I Knew
The Day I Flew
The Day I Will Never Forget


Sidenote: This poem was written in 2005. I posted a copy to my Facebook in 2011. This is the first actual posting/publishing on line. I was bound and determined to have my first book written before I was 26 and this was born Jan 2005. It is a precursor to how I live my life free from regret and miss opportunities. It is the first step I took toward living a fun filled life.

21 January 2016

ISO Dom/Sir: 2nd Encounter

I will never blindly give away my trust, Sir.

I was recently in the beginnings of a relationship. It didn't last. I reached a level of trust with someone and they mistook it for more. And that reminds me of a conversation I had with a fan. This fan is what inspired me to start this blog post series. I had announced on Twitter that I had collared a Pup. He asked so many questions about the Pup culture. I was amazed at what little I had known. Over the course of my education of the Pup world, I was slowly introduced and taken into the leather community. As I went further down the rabbit hole, I discovered that I wanted to be in Dom/Sub relationship.
Back to the conversation, he had asked me numerous times within a few days the progress of finding a Dom. I was a bit shocked by the amount of repeat questions. He was approaching the search like a series of random hookups as if I was looking for an actual partner.
I told him that the process was slow and arduous. My search had to take time. The gentleman was taken aback by that proclamation. "It shouldn't take long for someone as handsome as you to find someone to be your Dom," he says.
"Just because someone says they know how to tie someone up doesn't mean I should trust them so readily," I retorted. And then the gravity of that statement set in him, as well as myself. I realized that there WAS nothing stopping someone from blindfolding me and gutting me like a pig or even inadvertently making a tourniquet or not hearing me say the safe word. There were so many possibilities.
That was when I made a change in my search. By turing it into RE-search. Asking questions of people who are experienced in the BDSM world. I discovered that there are people who spank/flog a bit harder. Some who push your limits ever so slightly. Some who follow strict guidelines of safety. Others who would rather please themselves while you writhe in your restraints for pleasure.
I am literally sitting two weeks away from my Bound Gods shoot. I'm excited and a bit scared. Especially when I have not done anything like that off camera. It would be interesting to see what happens.


01 January 2016

ISO Sir/Dom: 1st Encounter

This is a slight diary of sorts to be published at the beginning of every month. It is a glimpse of my journey into the leather/kink/fetish community. I am trying to discover what I like and do not like about sex. Discover what makes me horny, what makes me cum, what makes me cringe in pleasure… So welcome to the adventure of many, a tale of how I found a Sir.

This is my willingness to be your sub, Sir. 
December 2nd, 2015
Today was a good day in my search for a Sir. I received a phone call from none other than Kink Men! I was very excited! And surprised! (I mean, I did get a bit of a heads up.) Nonetheless, I have always wanted to work with them! It is the type of porn that doesn't turn me on because I am not there (giving or receiving whatever treatment). I feel taking this on as a medium is a test. I get to explore my Dominant/Submissive side of myself. Total psychology lesson.

01 December 2015

Adventure: Black Honda

Well… (my new kinda catch phrase)
I've missed telling my awesome stories. And it is so nice to do it from the comfort of my own place. So here we go!
Earlier today, I was walking to the gym. Yes, I was wearing my rugby shorts. If I decided to jog/slowly run to the gym I was ready. Plus it was leg day. And it's Florida.
So, before I got to the side road of my gym and I hear a car honk in quick succession. I turned and didn't see any cars I recognized. Kept walking.
I see a black Honda with red rims and overly tinted out windows. I cross the street and walk behind it. Walking a bit further I hear a bunch of different car horns, like someone violated 43 different traffic laws. I just keep going. As I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of the grocery store at the opposite of the strip mall from my gym, I noticed a car behind me. It didn't pass. It didn't turn down a parking lane. It followed right behind me less than three feet away and to the left. So I look to see who it is. The Eye of Sauron couldn't penetrate that tint so I just kept walking.
The car then speeds up passed me. I can see the front door of the gym up ahead. I hear yet another car horn. And see black Honda pulled into a handicap spot. And then some not-my-type and not-so-handsome guy gets out of the car like he was on the set of a Toni Braxton video. He leans against his door (like I am going to approach him). I glare at him and then head into the gym.

26 January 2014

Untitled: 20140126

It always comes to this:


Blanks.
So many ideas flowing through my mind,
but none of them want to come out.
I stare and I stare
hoping the words would appear by themselves
I grip and I whine
when they do come out
because I feel guilt and shame
and a misery I can't compare.