Different Shades of Me

Sith Creed

"Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken."
-the Sith Creed

Thursday, January 21, 2016

ISO Dom/Sir: 2nd Encounter

I will never blindly give away my trust, Sir.

I was recently in the beginnings of a relationship. It didn't last. I reached a level of trust with someone and they mistook it for more. And that reminds me of a conversation I had with a fan. This fan is what inspired me to start this blog post series. I had announced on Twitter that I had collared a Pup. He asked so many questions about the Pup culture. I was amazed at what little I had known. Over the course of my education of the Pup world, I was slowly introduced and taken into the leather community. As I went further down the rabbit hole, I discovered that I wanted to be in Dom/Sub relationship.
Back to the conversation, he had asked me numerous times within a few days the progress of finding a Dom. I was a bit shocked by the amount of repeat questions. He was approaching the search like a series of random hookups as if I was looking for an actual partner.
I told him that the process was slow and arduous. My search had to take time. The gentleman was taken aback by that proclamation. "It shouldn't take long for someone as handsome as you to find someone to be your Dom," he says.
"Just because someone says they know how to tie someone up doesn't mean I should trust them so readily," I retorted. And then the gravity of that statement set in him, as well as myself. I realized that there WAS nothing stopping someone from blindfolding me and gutting me like a pig or even inadvertently making a tourniquet or not hearing me say the safe word. There were so many possibilities.
That was when I made a change in my search. By turing it into RE-search. Asking questions of people who are experienced in the BDSM world. I discovered that there are people who spank/flog a bit harder. Some who push your limits ever so slightly. Some who follow strict guidelines of safety. Others who would rather please themselves while you writhe in your restraints for pleasure.
I am literally sitting two weeks away from my Bound Gods shoot. I'm excited and a bit scared. Especially when I have not done anything like that off camera. It would be interesting to see what happens.


Friday, January 1, 2016

ISO Sir/Dom: 1st Encounter

This is a slight diary of sorts to be published at the beginning of every month. It is a glimpse of my journey into the leather/kink/fetish community. I am trying to discover what I like and do not like about sex. Discover what makes me horny, what makes me cum, what makes me cringe in pleasure… So welcome to the adventure of many, a tale of how I found a Sir.

This is my willingness to be your sub, Sir. 
December 2nd, 2015
Today was a good day in my search for a Sir. I received a phone call from none other than Kink Men! I was very excited! And surprised! (I mean, I did get a bit of a heads up.) Nonetheless, I have always wanted to work with them! It is the type of porn that doesn't turn me on because I am not there (giving or receiving whatever treatment). I feel taking this on as a medium is a test. I get to explore my Dominant/Submissive side of myself. Total psychology lesson.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Adventure: Black Honda

Well… (my new kinda catch phrase)
I've missed telling my awesome stories. And it is so nice to do it from the comfort of my own place. So here we go!
Earlier today, I was walking to the gym. Yes, I was wearing my rugby shorts. If I decided to jog/slowly run to the gym I was ready. Plus it was leg day. And it's Florida.
So, before I got to the side road of my gym and I hear a car honk in quick succession. I turned and didn't see any cars I recognized. Kept walking.
I see a black Honda with red rims and overly tinted out windows. I cross the street and walk behind it. Walking a bit further I hear a bunch of different car horns, like someone violated 43 different traffic laws. I just keep going. As I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of the grocery store at the opposite of the strip mall from my gym, I noticed a car behind me. It didn't pass. It didn't turn down a parking lane. It followed right behind me less than three feet away and to the left. So I look to see who it is. The Eye of Sauron couldn't penetrate that tint so I just kept walking.
The car then speeds up passed me. I can see the front door of the gym up ahead. I hear yet another car horn. And see black Honda pulled into a handicap spot. And then some not-my-type and not-so-handsome black gets out of the car like he was on the set of a Toni Braxton video. He leans against his door (like I am going to approach him). I glare at him and then head into the gym.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Untitled: 20140126

It always comes to this:


Blanks.
So many ideas flowing through my mind,
but none of them want to come out.
I stare and I stare
hoping the words would appear by themselves
I grip and I whine
when they do come out
because I feel guilt and shame
and a misery I can't compare.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Bacon Bandit style #772

Celebrity: "Surprise! I released an album!"
Me: "Surprise! I don't care."

Unless I play the album in some remote jungle and some ancient temple's door disinterred itself, I might think about listening to it in the gym. Can I lift to it?

Right now I have Drum and Bass in my iPod:

DnB Mix- NC-17

It motivates me in the gym.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Post 83: The Day I Looked Within

Tonight, I may have lost a masterpiece muse.
You know, that one muse to which you attach yourself.
Or the kind of muse whose inspiration is like a bright light.
Shining so bright in the night
That sloth begins to wither and fade.
Like the art made from those with a broken heart
Or treading atop the briny sea foam of loneliness.

I wonder if the muse ever realizes it.
What does the muse do?
Because no matter the outcome there will be a piece…
A piece of art.
A piece of heart.
Strewn about a canvas
Or shattered across a fret.
But let it be known:
The artist can't be inspired by an intangible muse.
Muscle must be grabbed
If it to be plucked from marble.
Songbirds must have a rhythm,
If it is to match your tune.
The forest must be set ablaze,
If it is to be called a conflagration.

Which is how it feels to lose your inspiration,
Stuck
All alone
Putting out a fire
Because you wanted to paint the forest on fire
Yet you can't paint fire
At all
Because you don't have the color red.

Friday, March 29, 2013

An Unsent Letter...

June 13, 2010

Dear Grandma,

Sorry I have not written to you. We have been busy. Today however, I am working. It is not that bad. At the beginning of the deployment, we are so busy getting everything set up. Now everything is in working order.

Right now we are at the halfway point. Can't wait to get back home. I have been looking at colleges in North Carolina. I think I want to go to Appalachian State in Boone. I love the mountains and going camping which is around that area.

Other than that I am doing good. A little homesick but good. I have been doing my best to keep in touch with mom and everyone back home. How are you and Grandpa doing? Good, I hope. I plan on visiting you when I get back to the states. Tell everyone I said Hi.

Love you
TJ