Institutionalized Symphony

Art is the what happens when you break rules.

Symphony: different instruments are like the numerous social discourses. Conductor is the one who is to cease Chaos in order to bring Order.

Mean of Thought: Overcoming challenges

Some times, when I'm left within my own thoughts, i start to think about some truly negative and depressive things. Those negative thoughts are residual debris from moments in my past where I could heal others. I've lost that ability because I can't heal myself. I have a saying:

"Stop trying to heal toxic people; you'll only end up getting poisoned."

And I admit that I am poisoned. 

How do I heal?

Well, this (the blog) is the first way. By providing an outlet for those thoughts, I can begin to fill my mental "vessel" with thoughts of love and positivity. Aimlessly typing out my inner thoughts, which sounds horrifying, by the way. 

I hate Trumpers

 Ok, I know it has been a bit too long. I had things to take care of. A moment of detoxification, if you will. So, go off of the date and understand what I am about to say:

Imagine if you will a group of people who believe that they have a savior who died for their sins. And they do nothing but sin knowing that their savior will forgive them for those sins so long as they believe and spread the word of the belief.

This is literally the reason why there is to be a separation of church and state. It wasn't a suggestion. It was: rigid and law enforced beliefs shouldn't be the norm. Times will change. Norms will change. People change.

Me personally, I think a lot of this is because of people who want to do and live a taboo life are gaining control of the power centers so that they can live the life they are denied. They want to feel welcomed into the fold and the village. However they do not understand the reasoning behind the societal taboos (or even care) by using narcissitic behaviours to justifiy their religious beliefs regarding the situation.

Oops I'm sorry

Hello everyone! I'm apologizing because I've had a year. A very troubling and chaotic year. A lot has changed since last I logged in to here. I'm not sure how to say this nicely: I'm not going to be talking about anything over the last year except for anything that was positive or provided a place of growth.

The Day I Learned to Love

I sit on a thought

As I decide my fate

A misread schedule

A fucked up date

Sitting here lonely

Like I have time to waste.

I'm not with the games

Or playing with the head

I made a mistake

And now wish I was dead.

Your silence pins me down

While tears come out of me.

I'm not a rapper but I'm good with words

I want to feel your touch, not make you hurt.

I want to kiss your lips and share dessert.

I want to hear your laugh, I want to hear you flirt.

I call upon thunder

I call upon hail

My ancestors laugh at me

As I, yet again, fail

At something so simple

I never can catch by the tail.

Something so sweet

My tooth chips a nail

Something so neat

My truth does not trail,

I curl my feet

I tuck my tail.

My responses are at the speed of snail.

I'm not usually forgetful

But my head's in the clouds above

Heart shaped balloons tied to my brain

I can't stop thinking of you

Or the thought of finding love

I wanted to feel your love from the very start

I won't tell you lies

Or break your mechanical heart.

Because your laugh and smile are my favorite parts

So I can't jest or joke

About the way I feel

I might brag and boast

So tell me how you feel

I'll definitely type and post

About how this is real.

ISO Dom: Sounding

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For you? of course!

I was contacted in my IG DMs today. (No, it wasn't some one demanding free nudes) No, this person has been in contact with me for a few years now.

The conversation started out as someone willing to pay for my time (because that's how the conversation goes when I escort) and then it turned into me offering advice for entering the porn industry. At one point, it was even offered that I would be the debut model for the upcoming studio, even with the would be director/producer offering to be in a scene with me. To which I declined and informed him that was unprofessional, undesirable and the quickest way to lose business.

I bring this DM up because today, I was asked "how's it going any updates". I almost went in stating how insensitive it was but went a different approach. Told him there's nothing new to update outside of my stories and Twitter posts.

So how am I in the wrong to protect myself from an ever evolving scheme to have sex with me? Clearly this person is only trying to say what I want to hear so that he can win out. To get me and my time for free? Two years I've shown patience. Other SW would have received a gift, a tip, a thank you card showing support. I've received those gifts from other clients and fans. But why do I put so much energy into the ones who don't have any intention of paying? How do I let them down so that I can devote my time to the ones who aren't fluffing my head with false promises? Because that's where I evolve and grow as a model, SW or porn actor.