So much is weighing on me right now. This state of darkness is consuming me. I haven't been in this area of my mind for a long time. As I sit here and watch cheesy romantic comedies, I wonder where my other half may be. I laugh at the funny parts and choke on the sappy parts.
The last time I can remember being in this alone I was in high school, shunned and outcasted. I took on a personality that would propel me to where I am right now. I thrusted myself into the limelight. I became something to avoid the darkness. Why have I retreated into it for safety? Maybe my destiny is to be alone for all time. Is that why I feel so comfortable here? Purposefully sulking in a void of escapism. This time around I am not running into the arms of drugs and promiscuous sex. That has lead me to a much deeper chasm of heartbreak and disappointment.
This time around I am going to focus on weightlifting and school. This is the next stage of my life. Eradicating my Facebook was the best choice. I know there are some friends who would understand. Then there are some who do not know why I am doing this. I don't even know if any of my friends would read this.
All in all, this is my journey. I must make it alone. This is my avalanche and I will dig myself out. My words are my will. My workouts are my shovel.